Insanity

Tight in chest, feels like I’m hyperventilating. Thoughts in back of my mind like ‘what does she have on me’? 

No winning when your feelings are split, divided by loyalty and desire. 

Taking my power back, stirring fear in the eyes, I’m no longer afraid of this demise. Shattered dreams and promises, faded nightmares and heavy baggage. 

I still choose

It’s always my choice 

Your options are leaving me empty 

With only one choice 

Will it set you free? 

Is it what you desire? 

To be free of burden, guilt and past wrongs you never got the chance to right? To maintain the self inflicted image of ‘good guy’?

Did I have the power to break you so that you would have the power to break me? 

A cycle of love, dependency

Is there love without pain, love without regret? Is this love worth it? 

This pain so expensive, soaking through future smiles & molding the ceiling.

All of the stains that bleach cannot wash 

Hands stiff and eyes bleeding tears,

I continue to try, holding on to the crumpled foundation, setting aside the large rocks that once bound us together. 

She got into the crevices

Soiled your soul with her excitement 

Kissed your ego with her adornments. Meanwhile, I…

I scape together the broken fragments 

Hands bruised, heart ejected, eyes looking for the reassurance my intuition gave away. 

I scape on my bleeding knees digging, deeper into the dirt, do you remember when we began to build here? 

Did you forget or is it just no longer where your heart lives? 

Give me back my pride before I take it 

Give me back my pieces so I can rebuild 

Give me the truth that my heart can’t handle.

Break me dammit! Break me, so that I no longer remember! So that, the blueprint that keeps me rebuilding the same story is obsolete. Break me, so I no longer participate in the same story.