Category: Uncategorized

Self doubt is the worst
The exposure of buried secrets & ugly truths,
The truth always makes its appearance, although never invited.

Who are you to scrutinize my truth? To rationalize my pain? To begin writing the sequel without ever really reading the manuscript?

Maybe I watered it down,

For my sake, for my escape & maybe your comfort & acceptance.

All the while not understanding my truths, my narrative needs no explanation, only understanding for myself.

How does one ever make sense of a senseless world. How does one escape the tree in which fuels growth?

Escape the pain, the marks, the scars in which fueled the will to grow? But that fuels seems temporary, a crutch to walk with the joneses.

They always find the crutch don’t they?

I used to get to it first, the ah ha moment, the thought process that provokes growth,

I was the solid stature holding shit down, but you, you get there first, then you patiently extend your arm and wait.

You wait for me to follow, not as a guide, but a comedian with an ever so sly snicker, you know I’ll get there, you believe and I believe more, I chuckle, as I learn to follow,

I giggle the concrete off the stature

I demanded compensation because you had the luxury to be free
I thought I could make you feel the same pain you invoked in me

You see, it was my way in after you shut me out
I felt so determined to get to you somehow

It was through this plan that the reality escaped me, The closer I got to revenge the more foreign I became to me

Soothing in spite & betrayal while bathing in anger & insecurity

It took this journey for me to see that the price for my revenge was my integrity

Putting the pieces together that you carelessly scattered were the first steps in this heavily one sided battle

How can the deepest melanin be see-through?

How can someone so loud be unheard?

How can someone so angry be walked on?

It is said she doesn’t belong, her eyes not bright enough, her tears not soft enough, her pain unfounded.

Her confidence hides behind her mask. She is afraid to reveal herself for her homelessness will be exposed and her vulnerability mocked, ridiculed.

Her enemies are one in the same, the one who resembles her father, the hierarchy of shades brighter than her hue and the unraveling of coils closer to her nemesis.

Who will fight for her as she goes in isolation?

Who will carry her burden when her spirit collapses?

Who will cry for her when she is gone?

• Who will thank her for her sacrifice?
  The birth of human kind

These words are not worthy of, nor a representation of Angels,

Your,
Wisdom,
Perseverance,
Selflessness,
Strength,
You see these words could never capture essence of greatness,
In my flaws you find explanations,
Through my eyes extract worry,
With your comfort elude healing, With your smile combat pain,
What is left to give when your all is given?
Somehow all has no limit. It must be an angel who I have known.
Angels too, must rest in their place at home.

I just want to be free, that real kind, where I smile at the silly movies playing in my mind, where I’m always the protagonist.

Who understands these up & downs, sorrows, pains, goals and dreams more than I?

I want to be free, to play these mind movies in my reality, to embrace those moments alone, doing the things I do when no one is watching, no one is judging.

My face bare and skin revealed as my pores breath in and out, I am not ashamed here, I am protected from rejection, I am fearless here, floating in purpose.

The love is real here, there are no veils, no conditions, no hidden agendas, no fruitless  expectations.

The air is clearer, the fruit is sufficient, the gaze is soft, the giggle is childlike, the smile is uncontainable.

The peace can be tasted, the passion overflows.

I’m on this journey to beautiful. I could never imagine how peaceful it is. I’ve traveled from plane to plane dragging my luggage with the components I thought would make the transition. My carry-on carried on the basics, the necessities to arrive at each city. I gaze out of the window in anticipation of what scenery I would observe, what characters I would encounter. Before the discovery I had to make sure my costume was in tact. Every night as the daylight switched shifts with the moon, so would I. The scarf maintained the manipulation and held in the lies, the face cloth soaked the darkness from my eyes and the blood from my lips, for the first time I caressed my face softly, apologetically acknowledging its sacrifice. Encouraging its lenience for the next beat. Today I will undo the ties scolding the scalp, I won’t attempt to stress the coils into submission, into confirmation, I know her spirals are resilient, they hug my mind, as I abuse them, yank them, school them under death heat, I kill them and still they are reborn, sent from the gods from within, they are my protectors, healers, my existence, why must I disrespect them in the name of beauty, of accumulation, of acceptance, when they ask only for nurturing? They desire nothing more than the free, nothing beyond their composition, the nectar of the trees, the fuel of the soil. On this journey to beautiful I see them for the first time, I give them all I have, I appreciate their sacrifice, I’m humbled by their resilience, I now will restore what my ignorance stole, I will repair what the intruders damaged, I will love what I was given, I will nurture what I didn’t know could bloom, on this journey to beautiful.